On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
