just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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