Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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