gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
