Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I met the friendliest cop last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
