my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
