Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
