i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
