remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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