TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
