my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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