I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
