He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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