so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
