girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
