I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
