Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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