i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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