I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
