you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
