i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
