S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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