i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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