I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
