Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
