That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
