dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
