Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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