so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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