Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
