I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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