why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
