Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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