I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're a waste of cheezeits
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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