Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize