My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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