Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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