somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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