Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
