College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
