That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
