she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
