I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
