I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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