You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
