I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
whose parrot is this?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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