I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
