I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
