shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
