dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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