HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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