I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize