he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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