Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
