i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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