Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
