You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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