"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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