He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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