I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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