I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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