this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
