He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
