I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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