i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
